Hard work, sweat for hours on end, this is how I am built. I have always loved physical work. In jobs that I have been blessed to have worked I always felt my best when I went home and dropped from a good hard day. Even doing yard work or washing the car. These days, my mind prepares for a hard day my body however says those days are all but gone. So now I need to adjust to the next phase of my life.
Living with Psoriatic Arthritis has been a day to day adventure. I wake up wondering if the pain from yesterday is gone or at least more manageable than the day before. Often before I attempt to sit up to get out of bed I wonder what’s going to hurt today. The answer is never, or at least not to this point nothing.
Today for example has been a really bad hand day. I know it is ironic that I am writing about this, but I am only using two fingers, truth be told. The past week and a half my ankles were so bad I thought maybe one or both would give out or break with my next step.
Again, PLEASE do not read this as a pity party!! I am just continuing to share my journey. I actually have a positive outlook even though my arthritis does not give me any positivity. In fact my doctor told me we can just manage the pain, the arthritis is still going to destroy bone and cartilage.
Any break from the pain is and will be welcomed with open arms at this point. Bad days are well very bad. Good days are pretty much non existent. So with that in mind I am now left to transform myself into less of a doer which is difficult.
I do not consider myself a prideful person. I try to serve all with a humble heart and an eye on God. I am very much guilty of serving to a fault. I can not help it, I just do without thinking. If it needs to be done then do it, that is how I am made.
Now that is being removed from me on the level at which I have been doing for years and decades. I know God has both a lesson and a refining for me in this season. So that gives me hope as I move forward into an uncharted areas of living.