Putting up boundaries even for family members

Embed from Getty Images “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

In life it is important to keep good healthy relationships and build on them. In life sometimes you do not get to choose your circumstances, but that does not mean you do not have control over them.

I have a sister who has fallen under what I can only believe is a  generational curse. My biological mother had mental issues. Be it bi-polar, schizophrenia or another. She would abuse my sister and I then binge on alcohol, pass out and do it all again.

She had issues before she was our mother, such as taking all the plates and glasses out of cabinets at houses she did not live. This was the late 1960’s early 70’s.

Being removed and placed in foster care social workers agreed it would be best if my sister and I were adopted into separate homes. That was the correct move.

When my sister would visit during the summer or around Christmas time, it was always an unpleasant time. She was unruly and lied about just about everything. It was clear that she was showing the same pattern that the bio mother had.

I need to be clear on this, it was not always easy being around my sister, but she was my sister. Christmas 1981 my sister got up from our dinner table and walked out of our house. I did not see her again for 33 years.

You read that correctly, I chose to put up a boundary for 33 years. I needed time to heal from an abusive early childhood and my sister was interfering with the healing process. She would call, I would not come to the phone. She would write and I would throw the letter away before it was opened.

I took control over the situation. This is what God expects us to do. It does not have to be as dramatic as the one between my sister and I. But sometimes to reach and become the person God wants you to be, difficult steps need to be taken.

I met my sister for lunch in a small Chinese restaurant in Indiana a few years ago. We talked for a long time. She was clearly unhappy with all the facts I laid out before her. But she had nowhere to go.

I forgave my sister and gained a new freedom. Again Jesus died to give us freedom, I was grabbing a hold of that olive branch. I did fire a warning to my sister. I told her that if she lied to me again it would be over. For good.

When I arrived back at our house I found out that she had indeed lied. I did not feel upset or let down. I full expected her to lie. Bob Seger’s hit song “Still the same” comes to mind.

Be willing to make the tough choice’s in life. Sometimes it bring healing and freedom to our life.

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